i'm very excited, mike manning is coming back to jersey for the weekend with his girlfriend anna. i love them both so dearly, and the fact that i get to see mike is just mind boggling. it's so crazy what people can turn into over the course of three years, hence, why i wonder why i'm exactly the same.
but anyways, i couldn't be any happier to see two people!
I want to give up. I find that it might be easier to quit and feel nothing than to feel anything at all. I feel wrong being anywhere but in bed, but now it's not easy to feel like myself there either.
so i'm up real early, i just got back from a DBT center, shoot me. i need to go back to school or get that tattoo apprenticeship, but i don't know if i can handle either of those things.
i'm gonna go smoke a joint, take a klonapin and listen to jazz records, do some crossword puzzles until i'm ready to get out of bed.
RJ happened. I want to feel happy, but it's decieving.
So i realized throwing my life away and moving to Washington wasn't going to help. I don't need very hungry caterpillar sheets, i don't need chicken legs.. i need someone who takes my feelings into consideration.
Tim and Eric, next Wednesday! I can't even begin to tell you how excited i am. APRIL, APRIL, APRIL! it's amazing, finally.
Also, I camped out in my car (in the driveway) this morning blasting Stephanie Says while crying for about 2 hours because gas is too expensive. It's too hard not to break down, I need work SO FUCKING BAD.
My life is thoroughly uninteresting, and i am not ready for anything that is about to happen. I miss Thom, i miss laying under our very hungry caterpillar bed sheets together, i miss kissing his face and the top of his head and his cute little chicken legs.
Overall, I'm kicking myself for the last year, and I wish that things hadn't gone the way they did. The choices I made were needless to say poor choices, and now i'm going to pay for that for a very long time if not forever. I need friends, a friend, something.
i am honestly increadibly depressed and frustrated that i have no life, no friends. i wake up at one every day, stay up till 5, take 9 million naps inbetween. it's really hard trying to get back on track. Really, really hard.