LIFE; WHERE NOTHING'S GAINED AND NOTHING'S LOST

i'm very excited, mike manning is coming back to jersey for the weekend with his girlfriend anna. i love them both so dearly, and the fact that i get to see mike is just mind boggling. it's so crazy what people can turn into over the course of three years, hence, why i wonder why i'm exactly the same.

but anyways, i couldn't be any happier to see two people!

the days go by and the women come and go. so many that you decide to get rid of your front door, so you don't have to hear them all disappear.


i understand that i only update once every two months, it's just that i never have anything interesting to say.

I want to give up. I find that it might be easier to quit and feel nothing than to feel anything at all. I feel wrong being anywhere but in bed, but now it's not easy to feel like myself there either.

so i'm up real early, i just got back from a DBT center, shoot me. i need to go back to school or get that tattoo apprenticeship, but i don't know if i can handle either of those things.

i'm gonna go smoke a joint, take a klonapin and listen to jazz records, do some crossword puzzles until i'm ready to get out of bed.

i've always wanted to be a tenenbaum.

which quote do i get across my chest?

RJ happened. I want to feel happy, but it's decieving.

So i realized throwing my life away and moving to Washington wasn't going to help. I don't need very hungry caterpillar sheets, i don't need chicken legs.. i need someone who takes my feelings into consideration.

Tim and Eric, next Wednesday! I can't even begin to tell you how excited i am. APRIL, APRIL, APRIL! it's amazing, finally.

Also, I camped out in my car (in the driveway) this morning blasting Stephanie Says while crying for about 2 hours because gas is too expensive. It's too hard not to break down, I need work SO FUCKING BAD.

My life is thoroughly uninteresting, and i am not ready for anything that is about to happen. I miss Thom, i miss laying under our very hungry caterpillar bed sheets together, i miss kissing his face and the top of his head and his cute little chicken legs.

Overall, I'm kicking myself for the last year, and I wish that things hadn't gone the way they did. The choices I made were needless to say poor choices, and now i'm going to pay for that for a very long time if not forever.
I need friends, a friend, something.

i go to community college, i have a huge crush on one of my professors. it's pretty serious, but it's kinda funny.

i found my old ipod, i'm psyched about it.

i am honestly increadibly depressed and frustrated that i have no life, no friends. i wake up at one every day, stay up till 5, take 9 million naps inbetween. it's really hard trying to get back on track. Really, really hard.

there's always annoying fucking music playing in my house and it drives me insane.
i'm about to record,
album will be out by next week!

buy it. bye!